Barkley, Shut up and Jam: Gaiden, Chapter 1 Released!

By: Derek Yu

On: January 22nd, 2008

Barkley, Shut up and Jam: Gaiden

The Great B-Ball Purge of 2041, a day so painful to some that it is referred to only as the “B-Ballnacht”. Thousands upon thousands of the world’s greatest ballers were massacred in a swath of violence and sports bigotry as the game was outlawed worldwide. The reason: the Chaos Dunk, a jam so powerful its mere existence threatens the balance of chaos and order. Among the few ballers and fans that survived the basketball genocide was Charles Barkley, the man capable of performing the “Verboten Jam”…

In 2041 I will look back on my life and I will recall two momentous occasions in my life. One, the day when science allowed me to conceive a child with Jon Mak. And two, the day I was able to download and play a finished version of Barkley, Shut up and Jam: Gaiden.

As you know, I’ve been waiting anxiously for the final version of this incredible RPG “vidcon” for awhile now. In the game, you play as Charles Barkley… once a world-renowned baller, now an exile, living with his son in the Cyberpocalypse which he helped create. With Michael Jordan on his ass, and the terrorist organization B.L.O.O.D.M.O.S.E.S. raising hell all over Neo New York, life is difficult. Can Charles bring an end to the misery and redeem the greatest game mankind has ever known?

For importantly, can he learn to forgive… himself?

The random battles of the demo have been replaced with an Earthbound-like system where you can see your enemies and surprise them. The battles themselves are quite fun. As Barkley, you will have a variety of slams and jams at your disposal, and the effectiveness of these attacks are determined by timed button presses. The action-based elements of the Shut up and Jam: Gaiden really spice things up.

What can I say? This is the greatest game ever made, and it won’t cost you a single neo-shekel to play it. Get it immediately.

(Thank you, DarkNecrid, for the tip!)

  • I Like Cake

    I feel like my existence is strangely validated.

  • Stwelin

    I haven’t enjoyed a game about basketball this much since… hmmm…

  • Movius

    I thought the demo was awesome, but this is even better than I could have hoped for.

    Best basketball RPG ever.

  • Mayor McCheese

    I never thought this would come out. I’ve never been so happy in all my life.

  • Zeno

    Wow…

    This rivals Shaq Fu in terms of “weird non-sports game about a star athlete”. I loved me some Shaq Fu, though.

  • Genisi

    I’ve been playing this alot last night. Holy butts is it absolutely awesome.

  • frosty

    I normally don’t like Basketball, but this looks like it has some depth.

  • Advenith

    I thought this would probably get dropped or something. Mostly because it seemed to awesome to be true.

    Heaven has smiled upon us this day. Drink well of the balls, brothers.

  • Movius

    After much playing I’ve decided I can scarcely call this a ‘vidcon’ next to masterpieces like Madden.

  • Toom

    YESSSSS

    Also, I genuinely cannot tell whether Frosty’s post is a joke or not.

  • rndll

    But why Charles?
    I’ll check it out when I pass my exams. Or when I fail them – but then I’d have to hurry to play it before I commit suicide.

  • haowan

    charles barkley is apparently some kind of basketball personality

  • josh g.

    Charles is probably less likely to sue than if they used, say, Dwayne Wade or Shaq or something. (I think ex-NBA players’ likeness rights are handled by the players themselves, whereas current players’ etc are handled by the players’ association.)

    Who am I kidding, that has nothing to do with it. I just like sounding like I know what I’m talking about.

    Also, because it’s more awesome. And more 80′s.

  • Sigh

    It’s Barkely because it’s a side-story of the game Barkley: Shut up and Jam — http://www.mobygames.com/game/snes/barkley-shut-up-and-jam. 80% of the joke is the title “Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden.” “Shaq-Fu: Gaiden” or “NBA Jam: Gaiden” wouldn’t have nearly the same ring, no?

  • chutup

    The whole game is awesome, but especially the otaku save pumps. Why are they pumps though?

  • master chups

    You have to be a really big anime buff like chefboyardee to understand why he choose a pump… its an anime joke.

  • http://keturn.net/ keturn

    There are many games here that I cannot play for not having an appropriate implementation of Windows. But I didn’t expect that a sprite-based RPG at 320×240 resolution would fail to run because it needs DirectX 10.

  • synkarius

    I’m one hour into this game. One hour of awesome.

  • Melly

    It’s blowing my fucking mind away. Seriously, every 5 minutes into this thing I go “He didn’t, he couldn’t, oh fuck it he did.”

  • wormguy

    This could possibly be the greatest thing I have ever played.

  • Dusty Spur

    greatest moment of my life and I’m 2 days late

    someone write a book about this

  • Del_Duio

    Wow, I never knew this game existed before yesterday but I’m sure glad I downloaded it!

    The writing is superb in that it takes itself so seriously but the whole thing is just so ridiculous you really don’t know what to think about it.

    When evil inspector M. Jordan tells Hoopz to… “Keep practicing” HAHAHA.. Oh man, there’s a million things in this game that I really liked. I had to shut it off right after getting Vincentborg, but I plan on finishing it without a doubt.

    One thing though, is that I’ve been trying to time the attack meters to be in the red zone, but I seem to miss a whole lot when I hit it. Are these red zones for accuracy or damage?

    Larry Bird, priest of the Neo-cyberpocolipse!! The ghost of Lebron James, and the best / worst disguise I’ve ever seen in any videogame since Clark Kent’s glasses! I must have laughed out loud about 10 times so far, I just wish I was into b-ball as much as I am about football and baseball because it’d be that much better.

  • Del_Duio

    You have to be a really big anime buff like chefboyardee to understand why he choose a pump… its an anime joke.

    That makes me a loser too, since I have no idea what the pumps or zaubers are all about.