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Finalist #1 - Tony
Real Name: Tony Almazan
Location: Washington, USA
Favorite Indie Game: Zapped (Garage Games)
Why am I "The Sexiest Indie Gamer of All Time"?
Well for one my gaming skills are mad sexy. The way I move in my chair and the reactions to my victories are most notorious. Women swoon when I raise my arms in a V-shape to announce to the crowds that my victory is complete. When I chat in-game using TeamSpeak or Ventrillo, my voice commands attention. My words are directly controlled by the sexiest all of gods. That god would be the Locster of Love. I am this god's avatar in the war that is love. I must conquest women gamer to submit to my god. Thru my love they can feel the Locster presence, thru my gaming skills they can see the Locsters dominance. My sexiness is due to the Locster power. Don't fear me, but love me, and mad gaming skills will be yours with good times to be had by all. That is why I'm "The Sexiest Indie Gamer of All Time".
Finalist #2 - Smeby
Real Name: Jonathan Smeby
Location: California, USA
Favorite Indie Game: Eternal Daughter (Blackeye Software)
Why am I "The Sexiest Indie Gamer of All Time"?
Training hard and at difficult hours in the day, Jonny has finally prepared for his destiny: ULTIMATE SEXEEDOM. Ready for anything, he WILL vanguish his foes for title as champion of MACHO-SEXY-GAME-WIN-YES. He is self-trained in ways of self-induced pain, and honest to gosh he's mastered the legendary Princess Peach Float as seen in SuperMarioBros2 (NO LIE!).
In ways of indie gaming, he shows true integrity to the little guys. Infact, he insists on playing ONLY works by lesser-known indie artists (including starting-outters and the crappy). But above simply Indie Gaming to his heart's content, Master Jonny (as his loyal subjects know him) finds true joy in being an Indie Game Developer HIMSELF. He built his original (and still strong) game company JONNY COMICS INC those many fateful years ago, powered solely by Windows 95 and an abandoned Nuclear Reactor below the earths's crust. To date, he's packed an ubermungous total of over 24 indie games under his seldom used belt (34").
Most recently, his pride and joy (and autobiographical as well as experimental) game JONNY RPG was released, providing hundreds with TRUE independant gaming goodness (and described by many as "Better than Halflife2!"). Enough said.
To challenge Jonny in fierce battle, whistle twice and pat yer belly to summon his male-temp, "Corky".
*bows*
Finalist #3 - Angela
Real Name: Angela Gelso
Location: Massachusetts, USA
Favorite Indie Games: Tokyo War (Weapon Studios), Dope Farmer (Weapon Studios), Super Dudester (Puppy Games), Yohoho! Puzzle Pirates (Three Rings), Zen Puzzle Garden (Lexaloffle), Platypus (Retro64), Gish (Chronic Logic)
Why am I "The Sexiest Indie Gamer of All Time"?
What makes the sexiest indie gamer of all time? First of all they would have to play indie games (like myself), but not only this they would have to play more than just puzzle games. I myself, am entirely addicted to Tokyo War, a game which lacks puzzley elements and polished graphics, but still stands as one of my best purchases within the past couple of years. Secondly they have to be real, not just some forty year-old man at his computer in his whitie-tighties typing up some bogus stuff about how his pictures of his last girlfriend are hot enough to get him a free copy of Alien Hominid. Which brings me to my last point, they would have to be female, and as most of us female gamers know, we are few and far between. After coming to the conclusion that I meet all of the above requirements, I feel that I deserve to win sexiest indie gamer of all time to make up for all the years of condescending glances thrown my way from middle aged gamestop employees thinking the only thing I might know how to play is the Sims or PopCap games.
Finalist #4 - Chopper
Real Name: Matthew Phizacklea
Location: Staffordshire, UK
Favorite Indie Game: Alien Hominid (The Behemoth)
Why am I "The Sexiest Indie Gamer of All Time"?
I am clearly the sexiest Indie Gamer of all time for several reasons. One of them is because my penis is 20 inches long, but I won’t get into that. Another reason may or may not be because of the fact I look like Jesus, who we all know was an indie gamer. Well, maybe not, but YES HE WAS!
Uhh... I don’t know what else to write. I don’t like writing, I prefer to sit around playing indie games. OOH! OOH! YES! That makes me sexy!!!
... Shut up.
Well, I like implosions and mead and some cheese cornflakes. That’s all I’m going to write. Yes. All.
... Bye bye...
Finalist #5 - Ilia
Real Name: Ilia Chentsov
Location: Moscow, Russia
Favorite Indie Game: Icy Tower (Free Lunch Design)
Why am I "The Sexiest Indie Gamer of All Time"?
My name is Ilia Chentsov and I hail you all the way from Moscow, Russia. While my favorite indie game is Johan Peitz's Icy Tower, I havent found enough coloured markers to paint myself Harold, so here's a monochrome hominid for ya, done by my wife. Yes, she's also the one who says that I'm the sexiest in the world and supports all my crazy ideas (which are rare and usually concern some Internet competitions).
Hm-m, can I be sexy and married at the same time?
As for indie gamerness, yes, I scour the Internet high and low for new indie things, trying to play and download the best despite the traffic costs. Working at a Satellite Control Center (that's my army duty), I have installed Zombiepox (that's the latest game by J. Peitz) on two of our computers to provide a relaxation minute. Being also a game journalist, I'm even thinking about proposing our editor-in-chief an indie column - with game reviews, news, interviews and whatever. So, if any of you are interested, please reply.
By the way, I've seen Russian release of Starscape, did you know they added voiceovers there (of some famous actors, I might add)? I'm also looking forward for the wonderfully grim The Curse of Dragmoria by Ratgash and Immortalowl. Knowing a bit of Game Maker, I have one finished game (Super Ulyanov Brothers) under my belt, and about ten half-finished projects, so I know how hard it is to finish a game, and I respect those who can complete their games and release it for free.
Hope you'll have fun looking at this photo (or throwing darts at it, or whatever). It still won't beat the toilet paper mummy, which I became for a contest that turned out to be a fake.
Finalist #6 - Afryl
Real Name: John Afryl
Location: Oregon, USA
Favorite Indie Games: Bionic Commando (Capcom), Castlevania (Konami), Katamari Damacy (Namco), Dark Castle (Mirrorsoft), Mario Kart (Nintendo)
Why am I "The Sexiest Indie Gamer of All Time"?
If a picture is worth a thousand words and I'm sending two---then I've already submitted 2K's worth of TOTAL SEX for you.
Sex, Gaming--its a total moebius strip. I've taken it upon myself to transform the image of gaming from nerdy to sexy--letting all the ladies know why I'm so good with my hands. "Oh, you like that technique? Yeah, I practiced my 'analog control' while I was rowing that boat in Silent Hill 2."
As for indepedence--I've been avoiding the status quo since before I could even hold a controller. Kids were watching Star Wars with bug eyes and I was like "dude, this is so derivative of Kurosawa." I tried to lobby for a sequel to my favorite game of all time--Bionic Commando, but I'm secretly glad it never came out, thus making it more of a classic, and allowing me to maintain my indie credibility.
I suppose I could write more, but I need to finish my greatest 8-bit mix CD...
Finalist #7 - Edi B.
Real Name: Edi Budimilic
Location: Croatia
Favorite Indie Games: Elastomania, Total Soccer (Live Media), Crimsonland (10 Tons Entertainment), Gish (Chronic Logic)
Why am I "The Sexiest Indie Gamer of All Time"?
I'm Edi Budimilic, I was born (1981-02-17) and still live in Croatia - Europe (as far as I know).
I have a brother 4 years younger then me, we are both fans of indie industry; better to say we are indie gamers and programmers. I'm a good looking geek (in a search for a good looking geek girl) that plays games since nineties and programming them for last 5 to 7 years as a hobby till now... I'm a leader of the Generation Stars team; we have just finished our first two commercial games and trying to make a living out of it (if I had money I would make them for FREE forever).
Finalist #8 - Sean
Real Name: Sean Carroll, aka Vengeful Pastry
Location: Colorado, USA
Favorite Indie Games: MonsterTech Arena (Vengeful Pastry), Outpost Kaloki (Ninja Bee), Gish (Chronic Logic)
Why am I "The Sexiest Indie Gamer of All Time"?
What makes me the Sexiest Indie Gamer of All Time? Well, one need merely gaze slightly toward the included pictures to judge for her/himself:
Exhibit A: With the mighty sexy strength of 10,000 ants, I am able to lift this gigantic log more than a meter from the ground! Further you will note that I can alter my appearance, to be both "Silky-Smooth-Sexy" or "Hair-Is-Sexy-Too v2.0" compliant, depending on the sexy needs of the observer.
Also observe in wonder as I caress the keyboard, like a composer at a piano, my fingers magically evoking an anticipation of the games yet to come. My whole being is suffused with indie-gamer-ness. I am not just an indie gamer. Playing indie games is sexy (I mean, look at my threads alone!), but creating them is sexier still, and no feat on Earth is sexier than creating indie games for other people to enjoy. Being independent means that I am not bound by tradition or convention, and am therefore able to create experiences both intellectually and emotionally stimulating, enduring, and all the while instilling a desire to return for another tryst with the mouse and joystick.
Finally, my deep penetrating gaze reveals that I am committed to ensuring a pleasurable experience, and will pursue all efforts to create a unique, unforgettable dalliance with a fantasy world that each gamer can call forth as she or he pleases.
And what could be more sexy than a man devoted to the fulfillment of other people’s desires? Truly, unquestionably, I am the Sexiest Indie Gamer of All Time.
Finalist #9 - Brad
Real Name: Bradford Rusick
Location: Massachusetts, USA
Favorite Indie Games: Katamari Damacy (Namco), Jet Grind Radio (Sega), Secret Of Mana (Squaresoft), Centipede (Atari), Ikaruga (Treasure), Armada (Metropolis Digital)
Why am I "The Sexiest Indie Gamer of All Time"?
I spend most of my days on something like Ign Insider and talking to my roommates about upcoming games that we are excited about that dont even come out for several months. When I'm not in class working or reading, I'll mess around on Xbox Live, or play some of my older games. Either that or I talk about the downfalls of where the gaming world is going and is headed, such as EA's evil empire or the lack of unoriginality today.
Alot of time is spent reminiscing on the games I used to play as a kid on the Genesis, Nes, and Snes. When the more original games come out, I definately appreciate them alot more than the same old garbage that companies cash in on as much as they possibly can. I look down on the hyped games of GTA that showcase a deterioration of an economy that needs sleeze and shock value to have fun. A company like EA that buys talent and fires it so it has little competition and can keep shoveling the masses its same game yearly that hardly ever gets changed.
The indie game genre is refreshing and slowly fading sadly. Game companies like Sega cant strive with an amazing system like the DC because they put out refreshing new ideas... but the gaming community showed it would rather buy into a system that was giving them the same thing as always.
Where are the 2d fighters? The sidescrolling action games? The actual hard/difficult games that are fun to play? Games like Ninja Gaiden are insights into the way games used to be, a time I miss. A time where games were hard and made you smash controllers into the ground shattering them; like running out of continues in Earthworm Jim or Sonic. Games dont keep the attention they used to aside from the indie genre, theres too much repitition today and not enough refreshing innovation.
Finalist #10 - R. Moola
Real Name: Riaz Moola
Location: Birmingham, England
Favorite Indie Games: Mutant Storm (Pom Pom Games), Parsec (ABA Games)
Why am I "The Sexiest Indie Gamer of All Time"?
WHY I AM THE SEXIEST INDIE GAMER OF ALL TIME
An essay on the obvious, By Riaz Moola.
That title sounds obnoxious, I suppose. I'm not really very obnoxious. Unless you're fronting on my Robotron high score. In fact, ladies, have you seen my Robotron high score? It's ... quite large. That's why I'm an indie gamer, I'm an arcade hardcore. A schmups warrior. I enjoy walks on the beach, kissing with eyes wide open and dodging blizzards of glowing bullets. Also, I'm poor. Instead of building an arcade cabinet I spliced some extension cables and a parrallel port plug together to make an adapter for my two SNES arcade joystick controllers. (Anyone who doesn't use dual sticks for Robotron/Mutant Storm is not a bad enough dude to save the President.) These two outstanding qualities are what drew me towards the multicoloured disco show of indie gaming. That and hard liqour, my other true love.
But am I sexy? I'm an Electronic Engineering student (The degree course known to churn out candidates with 300% more sexiness than any other engineering based discipline,) and a photographer (Art is incredibly sexy.) Did I not mention the size of my Robotron high score? And I manged to avoid making the obvious innuendos about joysticks. This kind of stuff has to count for something girls, right? ...Right?
PS. I am very handsome and live in a mansion with a pony.
Finalist #11 - Kelly
Real Name: Kelly Starr
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Favorite Indie Game: Geneforge 2 (Spiderweb Software)
Why am I "The Sexiest Indie Gamer of All Time"?
Why am I 'The Sexiest Indie Gamer of all Time'? That's a good question.... Well I am definitely a gamer, so that is a good start. From my Sega Mastersystem roots back in the 80's to my current console collection (and I own 15 at last count, not including handhelds) I have always been a gamer, even when it wasn't cool for a while there! Wait, is it cool to be a gamer now? I'm sure it must be. Anyway, I love games, I'd love to make games (wouldn't everyone?) and my love of gaming and knowledge of programming is what got me interested in the indie gaming scene. Being a programmer, I have a lot of respect for the indie game makers. How I wished I had the time to be one of them! Actually I recently joined a Sourceforge project to help make an indie game, so maybe I will be bale to be the 'Sexiest Indie Game Maker' as well?
As for the sexy part... well I have a few tattoos, do they make a person sexy? I think my new computer monitor is pretty sexy, but I don't think that is the kind you are after, however on hot nights I do stay up late playing PC games in my underwear, how sexy is that! Actually I'll seem even sexier if I mention that I am also a computer programmer (because we are not usually sexy) and that I have other nerdish qualities aside from gaming: fantasy novels, anime, models, sci-fi shows ect. In fact, I'm starting to think that I really must be Sexiest Indie Gamer of all Time! Also, sometimes I like to make costumes that look like game characters, though some people think that is more scary than sexy...
So in conclusion, I am the sexiest because I am an indie gamer and also, I am sexy.
Finalist #12 - Geiger
Real Name: Max Geiger
Location: California, USA
Favorite Indie Games: N (metanet), Torus Trooper (ABA Games), Warning Forever (Hikoza Ohkubo), Orisinal flash games (Ferry Halim), anything by Videlectrix
Why am I "The Sexiest Indie Gamer of All Time"?
I am the sexiest indie gamer. I can say this with the confidence that comes from being an unbridled dynamo of raw nerdish sexuality, a classic coupling of sweet and anxious boy-next-door charm coupled with a seldom revealed, smoldering romantic intensity. I am an undergraduate Game Design student at the University of Southern California, and while the program is closely tied to EA LA I have every intention, to paraphrase the fabulous R. Stevens, of having fun while using learning for evil. And by evil, I mean making hellaciously fun games. I want to be part of the gaming renaissance that the eventual mainstream legitimization of games will bring about. I grew up in Ventura County, just outside of the greater LA area in a rather boring suburb. As such, I grew up mostly on the internet. I grew to love quick (or not so quick) games based around solid mechanics, rather than empty-hearted behemoths with huge production values that pair poor gameplay with poor story-telling and a wretched emphasis on gimmickry. Thus my love for the vitality and originality found within the indie gaming scene. While I do enjoy the occasional well-crafted, main-stream title, I probably sank more hours into N last semester than any other game; thanks to lasers who are very good at hating ninjas. I love indie Japanese shooters, particularly Kenta Cho's (Tumiki Fighters and Torus Trooper) and Hikoza Ohkuba's (Warning Forever) work, as they demand all the qualities I like to think I have as a lover-intensity, endurance, persistence, and a willingness to learn and change in order become a better player or partner. I don't know how those games convey my tongue in cheek attitude though.
I could list all the indie games I've played, all the gaming theory blogs I read, but that seems a little hollow, especially since MC Frontalot already established that he is the indiest fronter in the nerdcore scene way back in 2001. I love games like I my own tender organs-I wish someone would hurry up an invent a disk drive that could be implanted into the human body-just knowing that I could have games playing next to my heart at all times would be excellent. Plus, who couldn't resist a walking, living, thinking gaming platform?
All that said, I'd like to talk about my photos now. Ignore this bit if you'd rather they spoke for themselves. The first is just me posing, pure sex and a little playfulness. That's what me and The Cheat do when we aren't gaming or studying-we pose. The second is me playing a little N, although the screen isn't too clear. I think it is a nice gaming moment. The third is me doing a little studying for my game design class. I apologize if Jim Morrison's nipples offend anyone.
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