Star Wars Episode VII

By: Derek Yu

On: August 17th, 2007

star wars episode vii

I only have one criteria for Star Wars games, and that is “do I get to feel like a badass Jedi (or Sith Lord)?” Can you blame me, then, for being disappointed with 90% of the Star Wars games out there? Seriously, Lucasarts, what’s wrong with you? The lightsaber is the sweetest weapon ever invented, and all you guys can think about is X-Wings and pod racing. It’s sickening.

(I make an exception for Tie Fighter. That game was great.)

Well, anyways, many thanks to wourme for bringing to my attention Star Wars Episode VII, a game that does an amazing job of making me feel like a badass Jedi! The game is by Jazzuo, the creator of Sexy Hiking, so you know you are in good hands… strange hands. Molestuous hands.

The way you control your lightsaber is, funnily enough, similar to how you wield your hammer in Sexy Hiking, except you can use the left and right mouse buttons to swing the saber around in your hand. It feels really good once you get the hang of it. Not only that, but the visuals and audio are spot on. Sending a shower of sparks flying when you scrape the wall or lock sabers with an opponent (sha-ching!) is amazing.

With Jazzuo you can expect a couple of other things: 1. Really rough graphics (although they’re much more refined than in SH), and 2. extreme difficulty. You can get cut down quickly in this game, and you often have a Wookieload of lasers and lightsabers flying at you at the same time. Save points are sparse past the training levels, which are pretty brutal themselves (but also very cool). Still, like with SH, getting ahead in this game is pretty satisfying. Like hunting your own dinner. Or blowing up the Death Star with a single pair of proton torpedoes.

This game is amazing. Download it now before I “forth” choke you. Oh yeah, and one more thing: “best title screen music EVER.” I mean that.

  • Derek

    Guys, I’m out for this weekend. All the internet drama has drained me. If any of the other editors wants to put up a post or two, that’d be much appreciated!

  • FireSword

    Star Wars:Jedi Knight 2 is the best lightsaber game, until now.. waiting for the new one for next-gen console.
    Well i think 90% is a way too high percentage, don’t forget empires at war(rts the new one), Knight of old republic (if u like rpg) and Battlefront 1&2 (multiplayer orgy).

    Mitoclorians ftw! XD

  • Kornel

    Nope, Battlefront sucked, so did KotOR. The only good SW games created were the Jedi Knight series (including the awsome Dark Forces) and the X-Wing series (with the highlight of the great TIE-Fighter). Maaaybe, I’d say that the first Rogue Squadron was also playable.

  • Wrestlevania

    Please, please, please can you feature Mr. Decek next?!

  • Gr.Viper

    I liked SW Alliance.. ’cause it has so many craft to shoot and fly. With SWA Upgrade it’s even better – the scale of models is adjusted so big ships are really BIG.

    And SW:JA might become a really good thing too after this ( finally gets uploaded. I’ve been waiting for a month, but apparently this guy was kidnapped by something called “real life”. Came back just now.

  • MedO

    I only played Jedi Knight 2 (and never completed it, though I got pretty far I think). It was good fun in both single- and multiplayer, but the puzzles in single player are some of the most idiotic I ever saw. For example, in one scene you have to change the frequency of a ship’s radio system so you can talk to your allies (or something like that), but instead of turning a dial on the control board in front of you, you battle through a room no sane person would ever build, with many small rooms inside it that can only be reached by dangerous drops and force-jumps, and then change a single switch in each room into the correct position…

  • FireSword

    I remeber that level.. it was full of cubes? right XD

    At Kornel:I don t like Kotor but it’s very good for rpg.. Reducing the good games only to tie fighter is reductive, anyway.. de gustibus.

    i ‘ll try this episode 7.. someday.

  • Optrirominiluikus

    Jedi Knight 2 and TIE Fighter are the only two good SW games I’ve actually finished, but I think episode III for GBA and of course KOTOR are great.

    Episode VII is something I’m not even gonna touch, because, you know, bleh.

  • Eudaimon

    So, apparently that Star Wars game my friend and I wanted to make when we were 11, but we didn’t really know how to make a game, so we just drew up lots of stuff in MSPaint and spent days talking about a storyline and building Lego models of stages and ships? It would have actually been a fun game.

    I love this Jazzuo guy.

  • Melly

    Now, if only someone would code a Star Wars roguelike… unless they already have?

  • Monothu

    Star Wars Episode VII = CHEAPEST GAME EVER

  • Calanctus


    But seriously, this is just as ghetto fabulous as Sexy Hiking, and as a bonus it’s actually fun to play.

  • Derek

    Calanctus, if you bring him back, I’ll never forgive you.

  • Monothu

    “Calanctus, if you bring him back, I’ll never forgive you.”
    Well I for one liked having him around.

  • Krishh

    No love for Republic Commando, which is still my second favourite Star Wars game, right after KOTOR. But Episode VII does make you feel in control of the lightsaber, something I felt the Jedi Knight games lacked. Though I wish the mouse buttons turned it faster.

  • Derek

    Monothu: Really? I was looking over the thread and he basically hates everything you stand for…

  • haowan

    do we need more drama?

  • Xenophobe
  • Dan MacDonald

    Insanely hard, but also a really cool sword fighting interface. It was a lot more natural then i was expecting.

  • Optrirominiluikus

    Hell, does anyone remember Die by the Sword? It’s old and it sucked, but the sword fighting shit was pretty cool.

  • Ilia Chentsov

    I like how in *Sexy Hiking* thread we were mostly discussing *Sexy Hiking*, but in this one we are mostly speaking about other games.

  • Monothu

    “Hell, does anyone remember Die by the Sword? It’s old and it sucked, but the sword fighting shit was pretty cool.”

    What are you talking about? Die by the Sword did not suck.

    “Monothu: Really? I was looking over the thread and he basically hates everything you stand for…”

    Well, I don’t support the banning of those who have a different opinion than me, unlike you. And besides he at least posted in my SOULFU going free thread. *cries*

  • Alec

    Seemed like you were completely intolerant of people with different opinions, and in addition to that, you were being a massive jackass.

    Somehow I think that’s why you were banned.

  • Monothu

    I wasn’t intolerant of others opinions, Alec. Also, I don’t see how I acted stupidly, and besides I never asked why I got banned.

  • Alec

    If you can’t see how you acted stupid, then you’re even more stupid than I thought. I honestly don’t know how you could think that you didn’t do anything wrong.


  • Monothu

    Well, I may have acted like a jerk to everyone, but, I don’t really see how I acted stupidly. Perhaps you could enlighten me?

  • Alec

    Dude, think about what you said to people. You treated a lot of good people like shit over nothing.

    The fact that you can’t see that is what is most frightening.

    I don’t know how you expect to make any friends that way.

  • FireSword

    If u wanna make friends u must turn off the computer.. btw.. XD

    Now i read those stuff, and am curious what he said to get banned?



  • Monothu

    “You treated a lot of good people like shit over nothing.”

    I realize this. That means I acted like a jerk, not an idiot.

  • Alec

    So now you’re going to argue over wording?

    My point was that it was a bad move. I’d call it being stupid, myself. Making up shit to insult people isn’t a good way to convince people of your point. It seems like a relatively intelligent person would realize that. You call it being a jerk.

    I’m not sure why you would want to argue about words like that, when they both point to the same thing. It seems like troll behavior to me, when its obvious that you know what I’m talking about, and yet you act like you don’t understand because of the wording. Like it really seems you’re just arguing that to be annoying.

    Ultimately, I’m curious if you feel any remorse for being such a hateful person, or if you get off on it.

  • Monothu

    “Ultimately, I’m curious if you feel any remorse for being such a hateful person, or if you get off on it.”

    I feel a teensy bit of remorse towards certain people.

  • Alec

    So there again, you’re using an opportunity to own up to what you’ve done and apologize for the shit you’ve spread around, and instead you’re trying to puff yourself up more.

    I just don’t get it.

    It seems like everyone here should be roughly on the same side, and generally respectful of each other… not at each other’s throats just for the sake of winning an argument.

  • Monothu

    What are you talking about? I said I feel remorse.

  • Alec

    You said “I feel a teensy bit of remorse towards certain people”

    Which seems aloof? Maybe I’m reading it wrong.

  • Monothu

    Correct. That means I feel a bit of remorse about some of the things I typed, meaning I feel remorse.

  • Alec

    You’re downplaying it and saying it doesn’t matter that there are certain people here that you outright hate and don’t care about insulting and others that you feel only slightly bad about insulting.

    It comes across as aggressive, at least to me.

  • Monothu

    Me saying “You all suck” at the start of the post I doubt offended anyone. I feel kind of bad about what I said to skaldicpoet9, although that post really was useless. Derek kind of was lazy, as it shouldn’t have taken too long to look over the thread. Derek laughed at what I said about him. I feel a teensy bit bad about what I said to Guert, although I still say what he said was a load of crap, ignoring all the injustices that have been done in the thread and still claiming he’s helping. I do feel bad about my comment about Haowan, although I did feel that his “wow” post was spam. That is how I feel, Alec.

  • Eudaimon

    Is this really the place for this kind of thing?

    There should be more talk about STAR WARS: EPIZODE VII. :(

  • Alec

    Alright, so explain this shit:

    “How about you shut your giant idiot mouth and get back to work on Aquaria, as that seems to be the only thing you’re good at. Oh wait. You’re not actually the one developing the game. You just doodle a tiny bit for it every so often in your spare time while Alec does all the work, and you take all the credit. And why does he take this crap from you? Because you let him play moderator in your crappy little forum, even though he didn’t actually do anything to deserve such a spot, though infinitely more deserving than you, Mr. Yu.”

    You insulted me and one of my best friends. You want to have a real debate, and you’re resorting to making things up to insult people. I don’t get it.

  • Monothu

    I already explained that. Derek laughed at it, so I don’t feel bad about it.

  • Alec

    Right, so the fact that I find it insulting and threatening means nothing to you, I take it.

  • Monothu

    I didn’t know it would insult you, and I honestly don’t see why you find it insulting, and I certainly don’t see why you find it threatening. I apologize, though.

  • Alec

    Well it was clearly meant as an attack on Derek and I for some reason. I don’t see how else to interpret what you wrote.

    I find it threatening, because I don’t understand why you did it in the first place, and moreover why you did with such ferocity.

  • Monothu

    Maybe on Derek, but not you. The only things that would be insulting were the words “giant idiot mouth” and maybe “that seems to be the only thing you’re good at”, and those were directed at Derek. I still have no idea why you find that threatening or insulting. Perhaps you could elaborate a bit?

  • Alec

    “You just doodle a tiny bit for it every so often in your spare time while Alec does all the work, and you take all the credit.”

    The ignorance and vile attitude in this quote is astounding, and insults both me and Derek, as it belittles his work (which is at the very least equal in quantity and quality to what I put in) and therefore, makes fun of and insults my work.

    I can’t recall any point where I said anything so cruel and heartless as that to you. In fact, I don’t know that I’ve ever interacted with you before now other than considering one of your comments on a thread troll-like behavior.

    So I don’t see why I deserve that. I also don’t see why Derek deserves it. Knowing him in person to be a hard working person who is considerate of other people’s opinions (more so than he has to be), I don’t see how you get off being so cold and inconsiderate in return.

  • Monothu

    I don’t see how belittling his work belittles yours in the slightest. I said that because I think it’s idiotic how people say Aquaria – as developed by Derek Yu, when really he’s developing the artwork for the game. I think good coding is more important than good artwork.

    “a hard working person who is considerate of other people’s opinions”

    Was he considerate of Kon-tiki’s?

  • Alec

    Why do you assume that Derek is just doing art and nothing else?

    I felt he was very considerate of KT, more so than KT was considerate of other people, and especially considering KT’s negative stand-offish attitude to most people on the forum.

    Knowing Derek, he’s willing to discuss things. I’m trying to talk to KT by email right now to understand what is going on. So I don’t want to say anything regarding his character, as I don’t know him well enough yet. But he was coming across on the forums as very aggressive, and I don’t understand why, other than some people didn’t agree with his opinion.

    Ultimately, I think the whole thread is odd, because it had two aspects. One was a community list managed by Guert. The other was Derek’s op-ed piece about the indie industry.

    It being Derek’s site, he’s free to post what he wants on his op-ed. People are free to disagree with it. But there’s no reason that that should devolve into petty name calling just because he doesn’t value the same games.

    But yeah. In general, when you insult one of my best friends and my business partner, you insult me.

  • Monothu

    I didn’t assume that he did nothing else. I’m pretty sure he’s working on level design as well, but I thought it was half and half between you and him.

    “you’ve got the attitude of a spoiled 6-year-old” “you’re poisoning a thread” “Troll” “he’s too lazy to post quotes to what he’s referring to” “You guys are a couple of ninnies” “a couple of over-sensitive, elitist pricks” “being generally unpleasant” “arguing with people about what the definition of a roguelike is. Roll Eyes” “I don’t think the bans were unfair” “I’m fucking tired of you” “I don’t twist anything except for your mother’s nipples in the bedroom” “If you want me to get nasty, boy, I’ll get nasty” “I’m actually enjoying myself”


    “But yeah. In general, when you insult one of my best friends and my business partner, you insult me.”

    Even when he LAUGHED at the insult?

  • Alec

    I’m saying I was insulted by it. How fucking hard is that to understand?

  • Monothu

    I realize you were insulted by it. I just don’t see why.