Lifestyles of the Miserable and Dwarfish

By: Derek Yu

On: February 8th, 2008

Sad Dwarf

I love trawling the Dwarf Fortress forums looking for interesting stories. Given the open-ended nature of the game, you never know what kinds of things will come up. Remember the rat that was killed by spinning vomit?

Here’s a real gem, though:

I hit the adamantine pits prematurely and ended up getting my entire fortress slaughtered… except for one lone baby. The baby was extremely sad and slowly crawled its way through the limbs of his dead mother and father and through the carnage of the fortress.
The baby found its way to a pool of water and proceeded to drown itself. The baby comitted suicide.

Part of a thread titled “”">The most horrible thing you have seen so far." Dwarven life is not easy, my friends. Oh no.

  • Cow

    hahaha oh man

    that’s classic

  • Zeno

    Wish I could ever muster up the patience to learn this game… :(

  • Dusty Spur

    If the baby was smart, he would have made a FLESH GOLEM.

    Stupid babies.

    (that is incredible)

  • Gazillion

    Zeno the learning curve looks a lot more steep than it actually is. I had never played a roguelike beforehand because I found the controls so counter intuitive but DF managed to keep me interested without ever getting frustrated. Here’s the original thread that got me hooked which contains a good tutorial on how to start up:

  • Pigbuster

    It’s worth mentioning that the Mac port is coming rather soon.

  • Advenith

    A simulated dead baby joke. I think that’s a first.

  • Chained to Fate

    You want motivation to start DF? go Google Boatmurdred. It references an older version, but damn, it’ll keep you entertained!

  • ultim8p00

    Epic lulz!

  • ChrisL

    Second the Boatmurdered suggestion. But only if you plenty of time to burn.

  • Ok

    Most stuff in stories isn’t in the game. It’s like making up stories about families of pixels which miraculously learned to form letters and graphics on our monitors. Actually, I love those little guys, weee!

  • Ok

    It’s a bit like EVE in that regard as well, half-baked connect-the-dot stories, in a restricted virtual world. Pen and paper RPGs have that beat.

  • Nikica

    That made me sad !!! Go Dwarf Fortress !!!

  • MedO

    Okay, this post finally made me start a fortress for the first time. I’m in autumn of the first year now with nothing cruel or unusual to report yet. I did screw up a bit though and my dwarves might starve in the winter if I’m unlucky… But I like the game a lot so far.

  • dishwasherlove

    Anyone deciding to start, use the wiki

  • Trotim

    Eh, I will never get used to these roguelike controls. I have tried three times now and it’s just not my cup of tea.

    I’ll go play Dungeon Keeper now.

  • sinoth

    Probably the worst thing I’ve seen so far is related to my horrible water management.

    I tried to channel some water from a huge lake into my fortress so it wouldn’t freeze when winter rolled around. Turns out I didn’t understand pressure well enough, and created a super-pressurized underground pond. Things got nasty when all my dehydrated dwarves crowded around the pond to drink, which upset the surface of the water causing it to rise up violently and fill an entire fortress level.

    Being stuck in a cramped hallway with 20 other dwarves, instantly submerged and having no escape is not how I want to die. :(

  • Novichock

    First time I was playing adventurer, A lion knocked my head off with its first hit.

  • toastie

    Creepy auto-blogging poster alert (Viktor). What the hell are these????