Star Wars Episode VII

By: Derek Yu

On: August 17th, 2007

I only have one criteria for Star Wars games, and that is “do I get to feel like a badass Jedi (or Sith Lord)?” Can you blame me, then, for being disappointed with 90% of the Star Wars games out there? Seriously, Lucasarts, what’s wrong with you? The lightsaber is the sweetest weapon ever invented, and all you guys can think about is X-Wings and pod racing. It’s sickening.

(I make an exception for Tie Fighter. That game was great.)

Well, anyways, many thanks to wourme for bringing to my attention Star Wars Episode VII, a game that does an amazing job of making me feel like a badass Jedi! The game is by Jazzuo, the creator of Sexy Hiking, so you know you are in good hands… strange hands. Molestuous hands.

The way you control your lightsaber is, funnily enough, similar to how you wield your hammer in Sexy Hiking, except you can use the left and right mouse buttons to swing the saber around in your hand. It feels really good once you get the hang of it. Not only that, but the visuals and audio are spot on. Sending a shower of sparks flying when you scrape the wall or lock sabers with an opponent (sha-ching!) is amazing.

With Jazzuo you can expect a couple of other things: 1. Really rough graphics (although they’re much more refined than in SH), and 2. extreme difficulty. You can get cut down quickly in this game, and you often have a Wookieload of lasers and lightsabers flying at you at the same time. Save points are sparse past the training levels, which are pretty brutal themselves (but also very cool). Still, like with SH, getting ahead in this game is pretty satisfying. Like hunting your own dinner. Or blowing up the Death Star with a single pair of proton torpedoes.

This game is amazing. Download it now before I “forth” choke you. Oh yeah, and one more thing: “best title screen music EVER.” I mean that.

Posted in Freeware, Highly Recommended, Platformers, Windows | Tags: Jazzuo

Alec

Then you are dumb.
Monothu

Wow. That’s mean, Alec. Iâ€™m curious if you feel any remorse for being such a hateful person, or if you get off on it.
Alec

Bye bye. :)
Monothu

“Bye bye. :)”

What’s that supposed to mean? Are you going to murder me? I find that threatening, because I donâ€™t understand why you did said it in the first place.
Alec

It actually means I don’t want to talk to you anymore, because you are so inconsiderate.

Best of luck in the future.
http://www.freehare.com Kon-Tiki

As Alec was so nice as to let you people know he was emailing me about any issue, you all have the right to know the result of it as well. I’m sure Alec won’t mind me putting the emails we exchanged up so you all can read them, as I’m sure he thinks he didn’t say anything wrong.

The emails (and consequently the result of us trying to resolve the problems) can be found here:
http://www.freehare.com/Mail.txt
http://www.freehare.com Kon-Tiki

As Alec was so nice as to let you people know he was emailing me about any issue, you all have the right to know the result of it as well. I’m sure Alec won’t mind me putting the emails we exchanged up so you all can read them, as I’m sure he thinks he didn’t say anything wrong.

The emails (and consequently the result of us trying to resolve the problems) can be found here:
http://www.freehare.com/Mail.txt
Tiki

As Alec was so nice as to let you people know he was emailing me about any issue, you all have the right to know the result of it as well. I’m sure Alec won’t mind me putting the emails we exchanged up so you all can read them, as I’m sure he thinks he didn’t say anything wrong.

The emails (and consequently the result of us trying to resolve the problems) can be found here:
http://www.freehare.com/Mail.txt
http://www.freehare.com Kon-Tiki

As Alec was so nice as to let you people know he was emailing me about any issue, you all have the right to know the result of it as well. I’m sure Alec won’t mind me putting the emails we exchanged up so you all can read them, as I’m sure he thinks he didn’t say anything wrong.

The emails (and consequently the result of us trying to resolve the problems) can be found here:
http://www.freehare.com/Mail.txt
KT

As Alec was so nice as to let you people know he was emailing me about any issue, you all have the right to know the result of it as well. I’m sure Alec won’t mind me putting the emails we exchanged up so you all can read them, as I’m sure he thinks he didn’t say anything wrong.

The emails (and consequently the result of us trying to resolve the problems) can be found here:
(link will be posted in next comment. Testing…)
KT

Yup, they did put a filter up. Anyways, here’s the link:
http://www.freehare.com/Mail.txt
http://www.g4g.it FireSword

Wtf he said to make the other guy so angry?? loool

Tell me.. I wanna know XD
Can ‘t stop laughing..

Peace. :)
Prio

Clearly the easiest and most obvious way for all this to resolve itself is for KT and Monothu to drive out, try to burn Alec and Derek’s houses down, and get themselves arrested.
Mummy, hold me.

I don’t think Alec is the one who needs to see a psychiatrist from reading those mails.

Not the best thing to choose to defend your stance with!
Sad

It’s a bit sad he cares more about holding a false moral high ground than actually working things out.
Alan Gordon

Yeah, I can’t really see that email exchange convincing anyone that KT has the high ground here. Every email Alec sent was attempting to be friendly, and every email KT sent was screaming and throwing feces.
Monothu

“every email KT sent was screaming and throwing feces”

How so?
KT

Aye, I think most people here didn’t even read all mails. Don’t bother,Monothu. Can’t make blind people see, especially not if they prefer to stay in the dark.
Prio

Here’s a big cross. You nail yourself to it, and I’ll play this little violin. I’ll play softly, so your vile foes can hear your sighs of Very Sincere pity towards them.
Mummy, hold me.

Oh, just give over you two. It’s boring now with the “wah wah Derek and Alec are evil” routine repeated ad infinitum.

You got banned. Deal with it and keep your rattles in your prams.

Grow up, for the love of all things holy and stop crapping all over TIGS with your vendetta’s. You obviously can’t be civil, so how about just shutting up now? You’ve made your point over and over again and you can’t possibly give an inch for some unfathomable reason.

I don’t read this blog to read a bloody warzone, I come for the news and opinion. Not someone elses opinion of who runs the site, in case that wasn’t clear.

You don’t like Derek, you don’t like Alec, yeah – we get it. We got it the first time.

Enough already. More than anything it’s boring and its clogging up the comments sections all the time and making for some shitty reading.

If you’re so unhappy with TIGS, don’t read it, or at the very least – don’t try and ruin it for everyone else who *does* enjoy it.

*shakes head*
Calanctus

Could we please just talk about the game? So Derek doesn’t hate me forever?
Sad

KT: I have read the e-mails. If you honestly think your stance is reasonable, you’re too far gone into narcissistic insanity for anything I say to make a difference.

Alec was clearly offering an olive branch in contacting you at all, but you saw it as more important to maintain your supposed superiority. The fact that you felt the need to post the e-mails demonstrates that you didn’t give a shit about actually working things out.
makeshifter

FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!! YOUR BOTH IDIOTS!
derek i may have pissed you off at some points but i mean really can you shut these people up so we can talk about the game!?!?!
Sad

How about you *do* just talk about the game rather than talk about talking about it?

On my part, I think it’s surprisingly fun but it’s hell playing it with the touchpad on my laptop. I’m not sure lightsaber fights work that well relative to deflecting lasers and the like, though.
Smithy

How can you guys forget the SNES star wars games?

SRSLY! WTF!?

*Pretends to be outraged in an attempt to fit in.*
mack

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Hooker with a penis

KT: Seriously, when I read those emails with an open attitude, like I wouldn’t know either of you and just as I would follow a conversation two people next to me are having; you’re the one who comes of as an asshole, and I’m not kidding – serious ASSHOLE.
When I count in the forum discussions, you sink even lower. Boy, I mean, you sure have digged some hole for you.

Now about the game – is that freaking “theme/menu song” suppose to play in the backround the whole time I played the game? – that “ChipNDale-Accapella-Farts” really drove me nuts.
Other than that, the game had a nice concept.
http://ithamore.blogspot.com/ ithamore

I’m glad to see the discussion has finally started to steer toward the game. So, can we please keep our focus on SW VII from now on? Thanks.
http://www.g4g.it FireSword

Smithy are u kidding? how u dare to confront jedi knight 2 with snes sw? lol

p.s btw thx for not replying me.. :(
Maybe he told him something like materazzi told to Zidane at world cup..

Cya round.
Derek

How far have people gotten? I made it to the area shown in the screenshot… it’s a scrolling level with no bottom where you’re beset on all sides by guns, bounty hunters, and robots with lightsabers.

I kind of want to see a YouTube of someone beating this game…
Monothu

“How far have people gotten?”

I’ve beaten the game on easy. It had one of the most anticlimactic final boss fights I’ve ever seen. The level shown in the screenshot was much harder.
makeshifter

i stuck there too. i know i can make it if i actually played a bit more. but i don’t want to.

other wise GREAT GAME!!!
Ilia Chentsov

Sexy Hiking was more laconic for its own benefit.
21gp

Makeshifter, the audio developer?
Eudaimon

I beat it on easy. I got stuck on the level after JEDI IN SPACE on difficult.

I think watching videos of people playing this game would be pretty amazing. There’s so many ways you can play. Like, for instance, most of the time I like to go fencing style, lightsaber held straight out ahead of me, making subtle parries and killing with a deadly lunge. However, I do occasionally like to go ninja, lightsaber held backwards so that I can make violent stabbing motions.

The last boss was an incredibly “badass Jedi” moment. Probably would’ve been better if you weren’t encouraged to run away like a little pansy, though. Also, if the lights were flashing on and off.
Rz.

in after EXTREME E-DRAMA EXTREME!!!11
srsly, i love derek and alec. :(((((( stop it guyz i mean it geez
makeshifter

@21GP: what?

@Eudaimon: i keep getting stuck hiding in a corner with the lightsaber covering me. after most of those little orb thingies have run into me and died. i slowly move forward deflecting every thing until im close enough to attack. but unfortunately on the moving level you just can’t do that.
and so far thats the only sure proof tactic I’ve seen. cause in the moving level not only are you bombarded with lazers. but you also have to fight fling lightsabers that are damn near impossible to knock back long enough to attack.

in other words. HARD!!!!
Eudaimon

@makeshifter: Let’s see… yeah, I think the best things to do on that level are to use cover (shots don’t go through the platforms) and watch the map for the health items. Also, against the saber droids, mostly if you keep your lightsaber pointed at them they won’t be able to hit you. I think that level only spawns one of them at a time.

But yeah, it’s not easy.